By Kim Lavine

 

Guilt.

 

If there’s an Achilles Heel of vulnerability in the Super Hero that is being a mom, it’s guilt. I’ve seen women of steel brought to their knees with guilt. I’ve seen a hundred ways for people and society to make moms feel guilty. It’s about time someone said, enough is enough!

 

We just observed a full moon this week, and it must have been in some celestial placement that enhanced the feelings of guilt in our lives, because I saw many people suffering from its effects. These were strong, confident, capable, loving women, who were struggling with feelings of inadequacy or failure as a mother, all because they had made a decision to dedicate at least a small portion of their lives each day to do something for themselves, to fulfill their dreams of self-expression, to find reward in starting a business, to take advantage of this remarkable time in history to Have It All.

 

Believe me, I know about guilt. There is a special place in heaven reserved for any mother of a child with special needs, because we’re always struggling with a need to fix our child’s problems, if only we had done this when we were pregnant, what if we had taken advantage of this resource, what if he hadn’t given them that immunization, maybe if I didn’t let them play so much GameCube…on and on and on. It takes a village to educate my son, and I went to his school today to meet with his “village” of seven educators, who were there to reassess his education needs with an IEP, but in the end, who took the burden of guilt off my shoulders as only professionals who are used to dealing with guilt can, assuring me it was his disability which created my daily challenges, and not my failure as a mother.

 

So what I’m about to tell you about guilt comes from a first-class understanding and education on guilt. YOU ARE NOT A MARTYR. You are entitled to an adult life outside of your role as a mom. You sat in a La-Z-Boy watching endless reruns of Teletubbies for ten hours of nursing every day for three months--you deserve the right to a lousy phone call! Don't spend one second feeling guilty about plopping your kids in front of a TV for the course of one Disney movie, so you can have two hours of guiltless uninterrupted work time. Not only are you not a martyr to PERFECT MOM-NESS, you are not a martyr to PERFECT HOUSEKEEPER. Despite the hundred thousand commercials you see every day hawking you this image of a mom who’s only happy when her house is spotless, the attainment of which is only spoiled by the arrival of messy kids on the scene--this is the easiest guilt to let go of! I learned long ago, that at the end of the day, my success as a mother is not measured by clean my house is, but how happy my kids are.

 

But we have to endure even MORE guilt than just the household variety surrounding our abilities to be good moms and keep an immaculate house. I can’t believe how many times I’ve had to defend myself against those who question me aloud what my role as the boss and breadwinner in my home has done to my husband’s ego. “I’m sorry, I’m too busy working to support my family to actually have to worry about babysitting a male ego,” is what I’m thinking to myself, as I reply instead, “my husband doesn’t have to travel five days a week anymore for a job he hates.

 

But wait, there’s more! This week there was the guilt that I was made to feel for actually working hard! Yes, that’s right, I have to apologize for the fact that I work more than forty hours a week in pursuit of my dreams, which have transformed my life in amazing and powerful ways and opened up unimagined opportunities for me personally and professionally, as well as my family. Working hard has actually become a negative trait in this culture! Can you believe it? This is just more attempts at making you feel guilty for desiring a life that others are jealous of. I mean, how many hours of TV does a girl need to watch? I’ll spend that time instead creating my million dollar empire. Working hard for dreams must be for suckers, the way our culture has come to justify a weak work ethic and their belief in some impossible promise of overnight success. Witness the phenomenon of all these books that tell you how to outsource your entire life and only work four hours a week. Sure—moms everywhere are laughing at that! Can you imagine a four hour work week for moms? “Working hard certainly must result in my compromising my role as a mother,” is what the haters say to me. “Women can have it all, but not at the same time,” they insist, insinuating that if you’re a working mom, you should feel guilty about compromising your family life, and if you’re a stay-at-home mom, forget about having a professional life. WRONG!! Another attempt to make you feel guilty! You can have it all, and you don’t have to apologize or explain to them anymore!

 

It’s time we took control of redefining exactly how we measure success on our own terms, thank you very much, and it has nothing to do with the image or unrealistic expectations created by Madison Avenue to sell you cleaning products, or one more inane supermarket check-out magazine telling you how to have the perfect body, the perfect house, with perfect decorations, while you bake perfect cookies and serve perfect meals. Life is so much more than that, and you deserve it! Most of you who are reading this are on the frontier of a new way of living, and you can always tell the leaders by the arrows in their backs. They used to hurt, but I gotta tell you, now I just pull them out and go on. I don’t even shoot them back at them anymore, because that would mean having to turn around to look back, instead of moving forward. I just keep my eyes on the horizon, and the beautiful vision of a new dawn breaking.

 

Your Friend in the Business™

 

Kim Lavine

 

Watch Kim's Media Highlights http://tinyurl.com/mommymillionairemediahighlight

Kim is the bestselling author of MOMMY MILLIONAIRE, President of Mommy Millionaire Media—a multi-media company focused on developing traditional and new media opportunities in publishing, TV, radio, social networking, and digital formats—and of Green Daisy—a lifestyle brand focused on balancing life with love™. Identified as America’s expert on inspirational business advice, Kim has appeared on The Today Show, Rachel Ray, NBC & ABC news, CNN,CNBC, NPR, Oprah & Friends Radio Network, LifetimeTV.com, and featured in USA Today, Country Living, Guideposts, Women's World, and American Babyto name a few. Kim is on a mission to empower people to follow their dreams, inspiring them with hope, honesty and faith.

"Everything begins with a search for something better--a dream, an idea, the
courage to face a challenge, and the passion to get it done.
You can do it.
Believe in yourself.
Change the rules.
Join the revolution."
From MOMMY MILLIONAIRE, by Kim Lavine

By Kim Lavine

 

Guilt.

 

If there’s an Achilles Heel of vulnerability in the Super Hero that is being a mom, it’s guilt. I’ve seen women of steel brought to their knees with guilt. I’ve seen a hundred ways for people and society to make moms feel guilty. It’s about time someone said, enough is enough!

 

We just observed a full moon this week, and it must have been in some celestial placement that enhanced the feelings of guilt in our lives, because I saw many people suffering from its effects. These were strong, confident, capable, loving women, who were struggling with feelings of inadequacy or failure as a mother, all because they had made a decision to dedicate at least a small portion of their lives each day to do something for themselves, to fulfill their dreams of self-expression, to find reward in starting a business, to take advantage of this remarkable time in history to Have It All.

 

Believe me, I know about guilt. There is a special place in heaven reserved for any mother of a child with special needs, because we’re always struggling with a need to fix our child’s problems, if only we had done this when we were pregnant, what if we had taken advantage of this resource, what if he hadn’t given them that immunization, maybe if I didn’t let them play so much GameCube…on and on and on. It takes a village to educate my son, and I went to his school today to meet with his “village” of seven educators, who were there to reassess his education needs with an IEP, but in the end, who took the burden of guilt off my shoulders as only professionals who are used to dealing with guilt can, assuring me it was his disability which created my daily challenges, and not my failure as a mother.

 

So what I’m about to tell you about guilt comes from a first-class understanding and education on guilt. YOU ARE NOT A MARTYR. You are entitled to an adult life outside of your role as a mom. You sat in a La-Z-Boy watching endless reruns of Teletubbies for ten hours of nursing every day for three months--you deserve the right to a lousy phone call! Don't spend one second feeling guilty about plopping your kids in front of a TV for the course of one Disney movie, so you can have two hours of guiltless uninterrupted work time. Not only are you not a martyr to PERFECT MOM-NESS, you are not a martyr to PERFECT HOUSEKEEPER. Despite the hundred thousand commercials you see every day hawking you this image of a mom who’s only happy when her house is spotless, the attainment of which is only spoiled by the arrival of messy kids on the scene--this is the easiest guilt to let go of! I learned long ago, that at the end of the day, my success as a mother is not measured by clean my house is, but how happy my kids are.

 

But we have to endure even MORE guilt than just the household variety surrounding our abilities to be good moms and keep an immaculate house. I can’t believe how many times I’ve had to defend myself against those who question me aloud what my role as the boss and breadwinner in my home has done to my husband’s ego. “I’m sorry, I’m too busy working to support my family to actually have to worry about babysitting a male ego,” is what I’m thinking to myself, as I reply instead, “my husband doesn’t have to travel five days a week anymore for a job he hates.

 

But wait, there’s more! This week there was the guilt that I was made to feel for actually working hard! Yes, that’s right, I have to apologize for the fact that I work more than forty hours a week in pursuit of my dreams, which have transformed my life in amazing and powerful ways and opened up unimagined opportunities for me personally and professionally, as well as my family. Working hard has actually become a negative trait in this culture! Can you believe it? This is just more attempts at making you feel guilty for desiring a life that others are jealous of. I mean, how many hours of TV does a girl need to watch? I’ll spend that time instead creating my million dollar empire. Working hard for dreams must be for suckers, the way our culture has come to justify a weak work ethic and their belief in some impossible promise of overnight success. Witness the phenomenon of all these books that tell you how to outsource your entire life and only work four hours a week. Sure—moms everywhere are laughing at that! Can you imagine a four hour work week for moms? “Working hard certainly must result in my compromising my role as a mother,” is what the haters say to me. “Women can have it all, but not at the same time,” they insist, insinuating that if you’re a working mom, you should feel guilty about compromising your family life, and if you’re a stay-at-home mom, forget about having a professional life. WRONG!! Another attempt to make you feel guilty! You can have it all, and you don’t have to apologize or explain to them anymore!

 

It’s time we took control of redefining exactly how we measure success on our own terms, thank you very much, and it has nothing to do with the image or unrealistic expectations created by Madison Avenue to sell you cleaning products, or one more inane supermarket check-out magazine telling you how to have the perfect body, the perfect house, with perfect decorations, while you bake perfect cookies and serve perfect meals. Life is so much more than that, and you deserve it! Most of you who are reading this are on the frontier of a new way of living, and you can always tell the leaders by the arrows in their backs. They used to hurt, but I gotta tell you, now I just pull them out and go on. I don’t even shoot them back at them anymore, because that would mean having to turn around to look back, instead of moving forward. I just keep my eyes on the horizon, and the beautiful vision of a new dawn breaking.

 

Your Friend in the Business™

 

Kim Lavine

 

Watch Kim's Media Highlights http://tinyurl.com/mommymillionairemediahighlight

Kim is the bestselling author of MOMMY MILLIONAIRE, President of Mommy Millionaire Media—a multi-media company focused on developing traditional and new media opportunities in publishing, TV, radio, social networking, and digital formats—and of Green Daisy—a lifestyle brand focused on balancing life with love™. Identified as America’s expert on inspirational business advice, Kim has appeared on The Today Show, Rachel Ray, NBC & ABC news, CNN,CNBC, NPR, Oprah & Friends Radio Network, LifetimeTV.com, and featured in USA Today, Country Living, Guideposts, Women's World, and American Babyto name a few. Kim is on a mission to empower people to follow their dreams, inspiring them with hope, honesty and faith.

"Everything begins with a search for something better--a dream, an idea, the
courage to face a challenge, and the passion to get it done.
You can do it.
Believe in yourself.
Change the rules.
Join the revolution."
From MOMMY MILLIONAIRE, by Kim Lavine