By Kim Lavine

Balance. It’s a word I’ve heard a lot of in the last year, when it comes to describing the preferred state of affairs in the life of a mom. Loosely defined, it can be understood as a state of being in which nothing is out of proportion, and all parts of our life are equally emphasized as being valuable and fulfilled. This means that not only are we great moms, but we are also great employees or bosses, great moms, great wives, while doing our part in our kid’s schools, in our churches and our communities. Whew! I’m tired just thinking of it. I can’t help but feel lately that the word “Balance” has come to symbolize just one more unattainable image of perfection which ultimately demoralizes and oppresses as a goal that all of us are expected to master, but none of us can attain.

I was fortunate last week to hear Carol Evans, CEO and President of Working Mother Magazine and the author of THIS IS HOW WE DO IT, A PRACTICAL GUIDE FOR THE WORKING MOTHER, speak. The event was hosted by a company I respect as being on the forefront of recognizing and celebrating the entrepreneurial ambition in women with their annual contest “Mothers Of Invention”—Whirlpool Corporation. Ms. Evans was a passionate speaker who has been on the forefront of work and family issues since 1979, with the founding of the WORKING MOTHER magazine. I couldn’t help but be a little shocked to hear that we’ve been essentially having the same conversation—how to follow our own dreams of personal fulfillment without sacrificing our need to be a great mom—for almost 30 years. I understood after hearing some details of Carol’s own journey of 35 “no’s,” when she sought to raise the money necessary to fund her company’s growth and development, that it’s been a long, hard road that has been pioneered by a few fearless women, upon which we’re moving slowly.

I also appreciated her candor when she told the audience that “being an entrepreneur is hard.” She didn’t try and sugarcoat it, or create another false expectation of overnight success, which would have just demoralized the rest of us on our own entrepreneurial roller coaster ride of daily ups and downs. Instead of selling us an unrealistic expectation of “balance,” she pointed out that balance is a fleeting, ephemeral experience—like a butterfly alighting on our shoulder, or an elephant at a circus putting first one foot, then two feet, three feet, and finally all four feet on a giant ball just long enough for the audience to gasp and clap, before it fell off.

Some women have written me in the last six months after reading my book just to thank me for giving them permission to not keep houses as clean as Martha Stewart’s. (Mommy Millionaire Rule #4: If you're going to be a Mommy Millionaire, you must accept the fact that you will have to burn down your house and build another one after ten years, because housework is the first thing to go in a demanding schedule. This is especially true if you are the parent of young boys.) Another woman wrote me to tell me that when she saw my book she thought, ‘oh, yeah. Another mom who’s supposedly got it all together,’ but was relieved to see after reading it that I was struggling just as much as everyone else is to keep it all together. That’s why my mantra is “Embrace the chaos.” When I was first starting out when my kids were 2 and 4, I would jokingly tell everyone that, if at the end of the day, my kids were still alive, my job as a mother was done. A spotless house and folded laundry was a bonus my husband could only hope for. Now I tell people that my success as a mother is not measured by how clean or well-decorated my house is, but how happy my children are. If that means I have to leave dishes till the morning after making a dozen gourmet caramel apples for my church’s fundraiser, or spend most of the evening trying to get my special needs son to finish his homework—sometimes feeling overwhelmed—oh well!

Okay, so we’re already doing everything men do, only in high heels and backwards. Now imagine doing it underwater too. That’s the way I sometimes feel when I have to shoulder all the added responsibilities of a special needs child, pushing them on to their success, advocating for their rights at school, juggling doctor’s appointments and behavioral and medication plans, praying for them to develop the confidence to make friends with other kids—things most parents never have to think about. That’s why I want to take a minute to recognize someone who is trying to make this balancing act easier not just for me, but for all parents of special needs children and even adults. Her name is Kathryn Parsons and her website is www.bonzee.com. Kathryn is creating a database of resources designed to help parents on their own journey with a special needs child easier by creating a supportive community with educational and medical resources referred by parents who have already been there and done that. Check out her site today and pass the word to everyone you know who could possible use this valuable resource.

If I can leave you with a thought today, it’s this: don’t try and be perfect. Embrace the chaos and remember to laugh, to forgive yourself, to cry, to have faith, to be grateful, and to focus on the things that are really important. You can do it. Believe in yourself. Change the rules. Join the revolution.

Your Friend in the Business (tm),

Kim Lavine

What do you think? Is balance possible? What is your order of priorities when it comes to achieving balance? Where does taking care of yourself rank in that list? Are you even on that list?

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Kim is the bestselling author of MOMMY MILLIONAIRE, President of Mommy Millionaire Media—a multi-media company focused on developing traditional and new media opportunities in publishing, TV, radio, social networking, and digital formats—and of Green Daisy—a lifestyle brand focused on balancing life with love™. Identified as America’s expert on inspirational business advice, Kim has appeared on The Today Show, Rachel Ray, NBC & ABC news, CNN,CNBC, NPR, Oprah & Friends Radio Network, LifetimeTV.com, and featured in USA Today, Country Living, Guideposts, Women's World, and American Babyto name a few. Kim is on a mission to empower people to follow their dreams, inspiring them with hope, honesty and faith.

"Everything begins with a search for something better--a dream, an idea, the
courage to face a challenge, and the passion to get it done.
You can do it.
Believe in yourself.
Change the rules.
Join the revolution."
From MOMMY MILLIONAIRE, by Kim Lavine